Jim Warboy: Next Stop Vauxton

Founder of hot clubnight SOS Jim Warboy sent us this roughly transcribed conversation he overheard on the number 55 bus. We’ll let him explain who he was listening to…

Jim: A TOWIE looking Vauxho queen talking at the speed of light – on an iPhone5, of course….

Y’alrite baaybes, just a quickie. Wanted to let you know that I’ve moved. I’m finally an East London Gay! Got myself an amaze place. Huge warehouse. Well I say huge, it’s been split up into loads of little bijou rooms, but you’ll never believe it, – only 800 quid a month. First place I saw and just grabbed it.

I’m sharing with some wicked people – couple of fashion students called Kasumi and Daisybell, a web designer, a photographer and a nutcase artist who makes things from rubbish he finds on the streets. It’s mental. Don’t get a minute’s peace.

I just love, love, LURVE this area. You know when I started coming here last year I was like, WOW, this is so amaze I just HAVE to live here. Let’s face it, the West End is just Sohover and I just had enough of Vauxhole after I saw that G-head collapse on the dancefloor – I mean, not another one!

When you come to visit I swear you’re gonna wanna live here. Everyone’s so cool. Girls hang out with guys. Guys hanging with girls. Yeah, for real! I even saw a girl snogging the beard off some trainwreck bloody tranny the other night. Hilare! So twenty twelve, sister.

Just bought myself a maje new top after I left the gym today. It’s a vest but not like a normal vest right. It’s like really old looking and really cool. Vintage baybee. Fierce. And only 45 quid. Yeah 45! Bargain!

Think I’m gonna wear it to a party my flatmates were talking about. It’s in a disused sewer or something. I know, sounds disgusting but all the best parties round here are in really fucking spesh places. The flyer’s just a black and white pic of this topless guy from an old porn film with a bulge that would make you gag. OMG, love to meet him on Grindr. Dutty, dutty, dutty! There’s even a couple of my fave DJs from Vauxhole playing. It’s all about the underground house, gurlfriend.

Actually, I went to a party the other day and this guy started drinking someone else’s bottle of water and ended up off his head. What a lightweight. GHB virgin babes – what are they like? Teach the bitch for swiping other people drinks. Uh huh, innit.

Did I tell you I’ve stopped waxing my chest? Yeah just shave it short now, au naturel oh el. It looks delish with my tan. Got the idea from one of the fag rags cos the guys looked so hot in the pics with it. Growing a little tache too. Honestly, even me mum wouldn’t recognise me now!

Listen, listen, you’ll never guess what. Remember your birthday when we were really pissed and that guy stole your bag on Charing Cross? I saw him down my road the other day AND I then saw him begging on Kingsland Road that night. Couldn’t believe it. It’s like he’s following me. Spoookeey

Oh baaybes, I feel like I haven’t let you get a word in edgeways. Some things never change. Anyway, gotta dash. It’s my stop. Vauxton.

Layterz

Join Jim for our Superstore Xmas Party this Friday 14 December from 9pm to late with Hannah Holland, The Lovely Jonjo, Jeffrey Hinton, Charlie Porter and Jacqui Potato.

Illustration credit: Piepke

Comments

Loading Comments...

Read full article

Comments

Loading Comments...

Powered by Facebook Comments


Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,